I can’t begin to explain the fury you sparked inside of me, on numerous occasions, might i add. There is no denying the anger and irritation, which eventually morphed into a self imposed state “Ray Charlesing” i programmed myself into, with regards to you, exclusively. My girl, you, more than most, understand my passions… Oh, my heart!
It wasn’t long ago, nor was it the 1st time your mother called me in tears, and once again i was her counsel, once again you “did it again”… Id built immunity against all the shit and piss, and general heart ache that you caused each time you “did it again”. Whatever IT may be. No surprise i thought id see again, give you a piece of my mind again, then laugh about later, again, like we always do…
Dear Sade I’m not dealing with losing you. But here i am now, missing you. Iv been busy, my girl. Working, flourishing, growing and fast. I’v been living our dream, sticking to the plans we made, remember, to live life fully, to prosper and to love… Remember? But now you are gone. Nowhere to be found. So i ask, what about our travels around the world, what about the beautiful men who are yet to fall hopelessly in love with us, what about our kids having play dates, what about our parents becoming besties, what about us figuring out this Life thing, and and and, what about us conquering the universe? Where are you right now? Hurry up and come back, we’ve got things to do!
Its not a rumour, is it? Its not some sick joke, you are really gone, for real this time. No more lunch dates, no more “strategic” career moves, no more dancing on tables, no more kissing pretty boys, no more fashion forums, no more cocktails by the beach, no more making fun of strangers, no more making fun of our friends, no more making fun of our families, no more making fun of life, basically! No more you, no more we, just me sitting here, steady tryna figure out how the fuck this happened.
Your are a star that shines bright, a big beautiful Sun to some universe somewhere, and each day we drink in your light. Your are a rock star, a child, a lover and a giver of life. You are and always will be amazing. I admit my loss, and only now allow myself to shed a tear, for no other reason that the fact that i love you. But i smile a little bit knowing our memories are good, and i laugh knowing that it can never be stripped from me… You have given me a lot that is amazing. So it is only right and good that on this day, in remembrance of you, i give thanks.
To my buddy, my boo, my playmate, fellow wanderer, my empress, i love you and i miss you.
To you, and all things beautiful; amandla!!