Welcome home, Makhosi

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I have lamented on the subject of this piece for a long time. Thina will tell you. Thanks for the patience, Makhosi😊… There’s so much I wanted to say, with passion and conviction. The reason for this delayed post is analysis, looking at the subject from different angles and avoiding writing a lot of hogwash about a subject too deep and wide and heavy to even know a fraction about. My lamentations lead me to conclude that I owe it to Thina and other Sangomas not to speak out of turn, and to anyone reading this not to go on on a tangent about my beliefs and opinions.

So I’ll present this just as is, a shared moment in the home coming of Thina Nondize. uMazulu. Thokoza gogo, we give thanks for your gift and hope that it brings light and comfort to the lives of those around you and yours, of course.

Ubungoma is a gift of spiritual divinity. It opens a channel of communication between the realm of the living and those who have passed into the realm of spirits, that is, our guides, our light bearers, our ancestors. As humans we all have a connectivity to those spirits that guide us, some call it intuition, a gut feeling, or sixth sense. It cannot be better described than just knowing, without knowing. Sometimes the result is what some may call coincidence. Sangomas, or diviners, or faith healers, psychics have a heightened connectivity to the spirit world, one they cannot shake or ignore. It is a destiny that higher powers (whether we believe them or not) have chosen for these gifted people, and often times it calls not only with the gift of “seeing” but also healing.

Modern day Sangomas have started using their divine gift of healing with conventional methods of healing, both medicinal and psychological. The impact of this is that it widens the scope of methodology of healing and also those that need the help get the help. And I am grateful, because how do you go to a western trained psychologist to try deal with the trauma of witchcraft, without being diagnosed as fuck up crazy?? Now it is possible, to deal with the external and internal scars.

Religion has also conditioned many people to abandon their indigenous faiths and submit to western religion, don’t get me started… However, in many intimate conversations, especially lately (I think it’s due to that increasing state of enlightenment in the formerly colonised) people have admitted to visiting faith healers and using muti for healing, cleansing and good luck. Ain’t no harm in it, I say. The world is rife with evil and darkness, seen and unseen. Self preservation makes a lot of sense.

I have engaged with some spiritual healer friends about subjects i battle a lot with, such as the concepts of hierarchy, race, religion and sexuality. I am desperate for clear concise answers. I want receipts. Dates and times!! But from my conversations I’ve learned only patience, with myself and others around me, seen and unseen. Initially I had hoped this article would unpack all these things, but they are not yet ready, perhaps nor am I.

Below are some more pictures from Mazulu’s special day, on a beautifully warm day in May, where all her loved ones, fellow Sangomas included, came out to show loved to this wonder girl, Thina ❤❤

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Moving through my space and time

Constantly in transit, even when lying perfectly still, in the deepest sleep, immobile, just breathing. Wishing. Thinking. Ever imaging, a brighter tomorrow, greener pastures, and for better days ahead. It is by virtue of all these things that we are always in the process of something, within and through time. The present.

I often roll my eyes at fake deep, pseudo conscious intellectual artist types, the “gentle brother/sister” and bazalwanes who often times (Especially on social media) make their stances vividly clear, on some “Here and Now. Live in the present” blah blah blah. However, when one takes time to cut away all the fat and dust off the fluff. Our truest truth is Here. Now. And Self.

“Be kind to yourself”a tshomi of mine once said after I had unpacked for her what a hoax my attempt at realizing my imagined success was, how my 20s have been a series of “WOW REALLY?” And “KWENZEKA NTON KE NGOKU??” and most of all, what consumed me the most- how im not allowed articulate my struggles and how, like many people, I have been programmed to always paint a pretty picture. Never failing. Ndicela sithethe inyani guys, that shit is tough. It is heavy. And sometimes it hurts, hard.

Being black, middle/working class, living in a recently [not so recently] democratic  South Africa comes with a lot of dreams that were sold to our parents, who later sold tose dreams to us. Most of my friends and I have parents who work very hard and encouraged us to work too because VIVA UHURU! Right? But there is nothing more heart aching than waiting patiently for the ends of a valiant battle and having the sun set on those dreams time and time again.

Dear Democracy, there are far too many of my brothers and sisters who work their asses off to pass matric just for them not to have a means of getting to varsity, let alone completing a course., there are far too many of us who are well studied and qualified at tertiary level just for us not to find decent work. There are far too many of us who settle for shitty jobs, because rent is due and life is happening, but don’t earn enough to live comfortably above the breadline. We have been guinea pigs of democracy, knowing it very well, from a place of Blackness. Maybe we’ll raise our children differently, having tasted this version of freedom, and understanding the power prayer and truth.

So im constantly having to edit the timeline I had planned out for myself when I was 18, I don’t have a companion to have and hold unconditionally, and exclusively, my six pack is still pending, and my bank account sertainly does not have enough zeros in it. Dear God, Uphi kanti?! Are not the ultimate Blesser? Uthuleleni? Where the fuck are You? Uthini ngam umntwanakho? Sound familiar? That desperate aching, vision clouded by fear and doubt. Its during these times (sometimes. Not often enough) I remember Here. Now. Because honestly, that’s all we have.

Here and now I am sitting on my beautiful four poster bed, sipping a delicious red wine, navigating my way through this text that you are now reading. Here and now I am strong because I know love from all the right energies. Here and now I embody a beauty organic, must be how my lox land so perfectly around my face, or the caramel glow of my skin. Here and now ndimhle shem… Here and now I am tuned in, happy. And that is everything.tumblr_n8h2513gK31rsadwno1_500

Black Woman in “The World”

Not only am I over weight, female and black, but I am also wide awake to consequences of being all these things in “the world”. Existing somewhere at the bottom of the food chain, the food that “the world” does not even want to consume. Everything that lives and exists in the world is measured and dictated by the white men, sometimes women who come from a lineage of enslavement, oppression, capitalism, misogyny and fetishization of everything they manipulated and killed to owning.

Violent and difficult to swallow as this may be it was the truth at the beginning of colonisation and has morphed with time into an animal that devours black culture and spits out black people. This is not written with the intent to anger black people to mobilization and “burn it all down” (That’s a conversation for another day). However with all the above said, I’m lead to wonder, does the world really not see the beauty and strength that is black women, in all their shapes and shades? Nyani?…

This excerpt is taken from my Tumblr blog. Read more here Black Woman in “The World”

Reboot. Refesh. Restart.

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The beautiful view of  Durban City Hall from our hotel room at The Albany Hotel. Was so good to be kissed by the sun while the rest of SA was in the depths of Winter.

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Cafe Limone on Florida Road. Here we met a brother whose mouth what stacked full of gold teeth. Really felt like Durban 🙂 The service was good and so was the food, I would definitely go back. Shout out to our waiter for always making sure my glass was never empty 🙂 This was Friday afternoon, we popped in for brunch so it was not busy at all and the scenery through the big french windows was great.

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These women showed me so much love during my stay in Durban, it was truly a time of more transition, a time where i really needed good friends and support. Kuli Mankayi, Ncebakazi Dlamini and Takalani Ndou are real inspirations and what i believe all young black girls should be taught to aspire to, living a life of faith, ambition and liberation. The kind of stuff fairy book tales should be made of; black excellence, happiness and things…

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I’m sure some of you will remember the TV series by Mara Brock Akil, Girlfriends. The sitcom was based of the lives of four friends, Joan, Maya, Lynn and Toni who face life’s tests and triumphs together. From dating to divorce and friends, to family to relationships. Ring a bell? During this week with these women i felt like i was in one of the episodes, and it had a happy ending.

As some of you have come to know, i can be an inferno of more emotions than brains, taking decisions at a whim, especially where my pride is involved. Yet again i had reached a fork in the road, as far as my career is involved. It was during this week that i had to decide whether to go back to a job that did not satisfy me or continue riding the wave of inspiration in which the company i was in had engulfed me. Well, of course i chose the latter, it was during this refreshing trip to sunny Durban that i made the decision on my next career move. And i fear it, i love it, it is everything i love and hate, but is this not what ones twenties are about? Taking chances; crashing and burning,and rising to meet your happiness… I dunno man. YOLO. YOLO Zime, always remember, you only live once.

Day Ones

2014 I am glad you are gone, and will never visit again. Thanks for going. Thanks for the goodness you gave me, through harsh lessons and the occasional warm feeling each time I worked on a project I loved or spoke to my Day Ones.

I spent too much of 2014 in my bedroom, windows closed, eyes and ears wide open to the sounds of other peoples laughter and conversations as they went about their day, living. Tears always elude me, but in this year I knew tears like never before, like a night time ritual. The tension in my throat, the warmth of my tears, the puffiness of my eyes, the blocking of my nose, and the irritation of not having a tissue at hand should forlornness arrive unexpectedly in my bed. What a mess.

December came; it was very silent, I needed and appreciated the peace. Most of the people who live at my complex had all “gone home” left the city and gone back to their hoods, small towns and villages as usually done by black South Africans come the Festive Season. I was not looking forward to my 8hour, 687.6 kilometre trip home, jobless, empty handed, with no good news to tell…

My favourite fruit and veg spot. Downtown Jozi!

My favourite fruit and veg spot. Downtown Jozi!77608x204x179

Mihlali and Nhlanhla Mimi and Charlie arrived in Johannesburg on the 17 December, it was a Wednesday. I remember using my last R 40.00 to buy veggies and braai pack so I can feed my beloved guests. I arrived at O.R Tambo International airport to pick up my homies, and they looked beautiful. Packed in their bags, amongst other things, was happiness. These kids brought me so much joy. Nothing else mattered. And for the 1st time in 2014 I hosted the best dinner party ever, good food, good wine and the best company. I laughed, with all my heart and with all my might. This is how it feels to be loved.

My lovers. Light bearers. Truth keepers. Comedy central.

My lovers. Light bearers. Truth keepers. Comedy central.                                                                      (Roadtrip 2014, 18 December 2014)

13 Little-Known Secrets Of Great Conversationalists

Worth applying…

Thought Catalog

The Great GatsbyThe Great Gatsby

1. Reading everything

One of the most important aspects of being a great conversationalist is reading. Reading current events, reading fun things, reading dense things, reading things that expand your views on certain subjects, reading things you like and agree with, and reading things you don’t agree with. The latter is most important because that is fundamental to understanding different perspectives of the world. You learn nothing new from reading things you already know about or agree with. But all reading increases knowledge and improves vocabulary.

2. Having a diverse group of friends

A lot of people think that having at least one friend from every possible racial/ethnic background makes their friend group “diverse.” But that’s not exactly true. Diversity is largely a function of experience, which makes race and ethnicity important. But it doesn’t account for the diversity that socio-economic class, upbringing, nationality, political perspectives, etc…

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Sankara

“I would like to leave behind me the conviction that if we maintain a certain amount of caution and organization we deserve victory. You cannot carry out fundamental change without a certain amount of madness. In this case, it comes from nonconformity, the courage to turn your back on the old formulas, the courage to invent the future. It took the madmen of yesterday for us to be able to act with extreme clarity today. I want to be one of those madmen. We must dare to invent the future.”

-Thomas Sankara